Life And Love After 40

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Technorati Tags: life and love after 40

Sitting at home tonight with a great Shiraz and some wonderful chocolate. And I’m thinking to myself, “it doesn’t get any better than this”.

Now, my married friends would be horrified to hear this (or at least they would act horrified, LOL!). Honestly, there are so many times in my life these days when I just don’t give a damn whether I ever get into another relationship ever again. The amount of time and energy it takes to find someone, go through the initial filters, go out on dates, etc…..it makes me tired just thinking about it!

I’ve gone around and around with this in my head so many times that I’ve got dizzy! Maybe I’m just not meeting “quality” guys? Or maybe there’s no one out there who’s worth my time and energy? Maybe there’s something wrong with me?? (no!!!, can’t be that LOL!)

So I’ve decided to devote myself to the art of eating chocolate for the moment. And devouring trashy romance novels.

I remember getting a book years ago for chocoholics like myself. In one chapter there was scientific evidence cited to show that the human brain experienced similar chemical reactions when they “fell in love” and when they ate chocolate. This led the scientists to the conclusion that people eat chocolate as a substitute for love.

However, chocoholics like myself know that the opposite it true – that people fall in love as a substitute for chocolate.

I think that’s all I have to say on that subject. Now, let me get back to the very important business of selecting my next dark chocolate confection!

Don’t you just love the full moon!?? And tonight there is fog swirling around the house as well. My son is ecstatic, telling me all the great classic horror films he’s watched this past week in honor of Halloween. (I wonder how well he’ll sleep tonight??).  Names of old scary movies kept coming up – he finally saw “The Shining” and was entranced, but he totally skipped the ending so I’ll have to rent it for him again. And then he saw some of the “Halloween” movies, but he missed the original. Again, I’ll have to rent it for him. And he is not yet ready, by his own admission, to see “The Exorcist” – heck, I’m not sure anyone was truly ready to see that movie. (I’ll have to ask him if he’s seen “Psycho” yet.)

Anyway, it started me thinking……When I was a teenager, my friends and I would head to the drive on a Saturday night for cheap thrills. All we needed was a few bucks, beanbags and blankets and some food and drinks, and we were in teenage heaven! I remember that that was where I first saw “Caddyshack”. It wasn’t even the main feature but we all just had a blast, laughing at every single, stupid part of that movie.  Oh, and “Saturday Night Fever” was another movie I saw on a hot summer evening surrounded by my friends. And, yes, we also watched our fair share of scary, bloody, gory movies, sometimes all night if the drive in was having a “dusk to dawn” fest! Sometimes we would all be able to stay awake for the night, but we’d usually sleep through at least one movie and then catch up on the next.

Wow, memories! I do miss those days. And those friends. And I know I’m not alone – I’m wondering if it’s the age? Interestingly enough, I’ve started to reconnect with all kinds of old high school friends. I guess we must be on the list for reunions so I’m getting contacted nearly every day by an “old” school mate using Facebook! Most people I wouldn’t recognize at first glance but then I start to see it – something about the way he tilts his head and smiles, or the way she flicks her hair, and the memories all come rushing back. Now, I wish I could say that I remember a lot of those days but it’s clear that I don’t! LOL! But I remember the feelings of friendship and love, and that’s enough of a base upon which to build new memories.

Friends are so very important to women of all ages. (This is something that men can never understand – my advice is to never try. I’m sure it’s a DNA thing!) The support they give when we are so very overwhelmed with our lives and loves is sometimes the only thing that keeps us sane. We treasure our friends and will do anything for them.

The problem is that sometimes friendships go bad.

I am in the middle of such a time. It’s so very difficult because this friendship is declining at a slow pace. It’s not a quick and easy death, but very slow and painful. I am hoping that we may be able to salvage something from it.

I have loved this woman for so very long. We have known each other for years and been involved in each others lives through the good and the bad. We have watched each others kids grow and mature, and dealt with the pain of divorces and family traumas. She is a dear sweet person without whom I don’t know how I would have got through the past few years. But she is also a drain on me emotionally and financially. And I just can’t do it anymore. She understands and is trying to move on and break away….and, frankly, she’s doing a pretty good job so far.

Can she sustain it? Who knows! But at least she’s giving it a good try. And that in itself is helping to keep our friendship chugging along. She has physically moved away from me, she is making great efforts to repay me what she owes me, she is growing up – and that is also helping. I guess “absence does make the heart grow fonder”! And, in this case, it may indeed save a wonderful friendship.

I was sent something wonderful to my twitter account today. But it was too good to just retweet, so check out this link.

http://bolstablog.wordpress.com/2008/12/23/cherish/

I must admit that I’m still skeptical!! Is this guy for real or is he just saying what I want to hear?? Isn’t it awful to realize how jaded you have become??

I will read this article many times, I believe. And I’m going to send it to the very few male friends that I have – I truly want their input.

I’ll send it to my dad too – the one thing I know for sure is that he already know this “secret”. He has lived it his entire life. That’s why he and my mum are still happily married – 50 years now! Mum is in hospital recovering from an extensive back surgery – nearly a year ago now! – but he still lives his life around her. Until this surgery, they hardly spent a night apart. They still hold hands wherever they go. They cook together, eat together, make the bed together. …they love and cherish each other. They gave a wonderful gift of an example of a truly amazing marriage (rocks and all).  I love you Mum and Dad.

This was not a good week (I feel like Alexander and the Terrible, No Good, Horrible day, or whatever the name of that kid’s book is!). My car broke down and, of course, I didn’t have any money to get it fixed. I didn’t get to see my friends as much as I wanted. My youngest (who is nearly 16 and just won’t listen to me) had to have the first of a series of dental visits because he won’t floss or brush often enough! I was bored and lonely all week. I have no dates and no prospects. My oldest son fell off his bike. Etc….

But, my friend Mario fixed my car today (I paid for parts, gas, and gave him a couple of great margaritas), I got some of the back pay owed to me by my sometimes boss. My son hugged me and showed me his great school work. I found yet another great bottle of wine and shared it with friends. My dog still loves me.

What more could I ask?

I sat in a bar the other night and I couldn’t help over hearing a conversation between two ladies next to me. They were lamenting the lack of quality men in their lives and were pondering the best way to correct this situation.  In other words, they were in a dating rut. Finally, one of them said that she had decided to “expand her search area”.

Now, I thought to myself, “what a good idea!”. Afterall, there are amazing people all over the place so why limit your opportunities? But then she said, “I’m going to start hanging out at the bar next door”.

Well, I’m sorry, but that’s just not good enough. Yes, you will meet some new faces but you’ll probably also run into a lot of people you already know and have rejected. Why not move totally out of your area?

Try a bar in a whole other town! (wow, what a concept!) Or maybe even try something other than a bar – attend a “MeetUp” group that appeals to you. And for those of you who have never heard of “Meetup” I urge you to get to a search engine NOW and check it out.

I’m certainly not saying you’ll meet the person of your dreams, but you can at least give yourself a fighting chance and, if nothing else, expand your dating horizons and hopefully your world and your life.